Saw with KL, UE, and friends. I’ve never written a screenplay and would be laughably shit at it but I genuinely feel that I could’ve knocked this one out in a few days.
There’s a new Captain America who’s trying to find his footing in the MCU following the very dignified and demure exit of Steve Rogers. This new Captain has
- His iconic shield from the old guy
- Wings via someone called the Falcon
- which have been enhanced by Vibranium via a Black Panther/Wakanda hookup, and
- a Helmet from Ant Man
This amazing armor lets him do pretty anything he’d like, even if he didn’t consume serum for spiritual purposes. However, even with all these blessings, he stops the big bad villain by asking him to be nice for a fucking change.
The only saving grace here is Anthony Mackie’s earnest performance.
There’s a villain with a disgustingly severe acne problem whose superpower is his ability to compute the probabilities of various events. He is sold to us as a genius… who is stymied and thwarted non-stop by his nemesis and, presumably due to therapy, is pretty vocal with just how surprised he is at how things pan out. I get that he never exactly says he’d be 100% successful but this is laughable “So you’re telling me there’s a chance” territory here.
There’s also Harrison Ford. We saw this clip of him on Conan before the movie began and this is all I could think of. Yes, he points at stuff. And he slays at 82. It’s rather amazing. I am no probability genius and this is simple arithmetic but: Ford was 50 when The Fugitive came out (an all-time favorite) and he’s capable of as much intensity. What a star.
He plays the President of the United States, who is an unstable character, estranged from his family, addicted to power, and turns into a giant red monster who destroys the White House. Silly stories right?
This child plays a minor character who has as much impact on the story as any one of the random NPC prison guards or soliders who litter every scene.
There’s a coalition of global powers that features France, India, USA, Japan, and a Conspicuous Absence 🇨🇳 Too big of a market to sully with disasters I suppose. The action sequences were really cool though, particularly the Navy battle (between the US and its archenemy Japan).
I had a giant pretzel, a pizza, and two enormous servings of club soda.